Tips For Getting Better Customer Service

There is no 100%, foolproof way to get excellent customer service every time, but there are good ways to make sure you get what you want,  even if the person you're dealing with may be being a bit rude.

Tip #1 Never Yell
It can be incredibly frustrating when you have a legitimate complaint and the person who is paid to help you is not at all helpful, but yelling will only make the situation worse.  Be calm, but firm, ask to speak to a supervisor if necessary.  It's also much easier to be assertive if you know exactly what you need to communicate.  Sure, sometimes a conversation can throw you for a loop, but as a customer, you can have expectations, but it's harder to give you what you want if you're screaming the place down.

Tip #2 Be Organized
Especially when you're dealing with important money issues that could require following up.  For example, I mentioned a while back that I get my birth control through a federal program called Title X.  This means that every three months, I go to the clinic, talk to a nurse for about two minutes, and then take home my stuff. For some reason, I kept getting bills in the mail from my clinic.  This is not right, because this is a free program, and the bills made it look like I was visiting my doctor, whom I haven't seen in nearly a year.

I called the billing office a while back and the woman I spoke to said that it was just a charge that my insurance had charged them, so the sent me a bill, she didn't know what it was for.  So I went ahead and paid it, since it was a small amount.  Then I got another, larger bill earlier this week.  I called my insurance provider, and they told me that they were not charging me for anything, but if the clinic continued to do so, they would open an inquiry.  I called the clinic again, spoke to a different woman, who realized they were making a mistake, and the whole thing got cleared up.  After the call, I made a note in my google calendar of what time I called and who I spoke to, just in case I need to follow up again.

For my student loans, since I make extra payments that I only want to go to the principal balance of the loan, I have to send them an email requesting that the adjust the payment manually.  This always takes forever, but when I follow up, they do it right away.  They might think I'm the most annoying person ever, but I don't care.  I make a note in my calendar to check in a couple weeks to make sure they did what I asked, and then I follow up--again.

Tip #3 Use and Remember People's Names
This might feel a little awkward at first, but repeating someone's name back to them let's them know that you're paying attention.  Similarly, if you need to follow up on a situation again, you know the last person who helped you.  If someone in person is not wearing a name tag, ask their name.  People on the phone should always introduce themselves by name, so jot it down at the beginning of the call and make sure at some point to say something like, "I understand what you're saying, Martha, but..."  This is something I figured out when I was working in telephone sales.  I had to introduce myself to people at the beginning of each call, and the people who addressed me later by name were always the least distracted.  I adopted the habit, and it has worked very, very well over the years.  Plus, it makes the interaction feel more like an actual conversation, which almost makes the two of you friends for a brief moment in time.  Who doesn't want to help their friends?

Tip #4 Be Honest
Thankfully, I've never had this happen to me, but apparently there is a trend in retail where people just complain for the sake of getting free things--even to the point of trying to get staff fired.  For instance, the customer will act as if something wrong has been done to them, or as if there's something wrong with what they're purchasing, and then demand a discount.  Certainly you can ask for a discount if something is legitimately defective, but don't lie just to save a few dollars!  That's insane behavior!

Tip #5 Be Reasonable
If you're at a restaurant and you find a hair in your pasta, it's perfectly reasonable to expect a replacement dish and for it to be taken off the bill--probably for free dessert as well.  It's a unreasonable to demand the entire meal to be comped.  This does depend on the level of fanciness of the place, but I kind of feel that demanding extras when you've only been mildly inconvenienced is just unnecessary.  By not being greedy when something goes wrong for you, you're making it much easier for that restaurant to do right by someone else in the future.



Any other tips that you've discovered work in your favor in customer service situations?

Even Free Comes With a Cost

There's nothing better than a free lunch, or a free prize or a free sample.  My bathroom is full of hotel soaps and samples I've gotten over the years, and I've spent the last few months trying to use them all up before I'm allowed to go buy new things.  It's working pretty well, actually, and I'm sure I'm saving some money, even if I can't exactly track it.

I had a thought though the other day when I was doing some online shopping for a new bag: The things you own often cost you money in ways you couldn't really predict when buying them.

For example.  A co-worker of mine drives a Smart Car.  Smart Cars are great because they get excellent gas mileage and you can park them practically anywhere.  One big drawback, however, that I only learned about recently is that apparently Smart Car was acquired by Mercedes Benz a little while back.  That means, when my co-worker recently had to buy snow tires for his car, the sticker price was significantly higher because he had to buy them from Mercedes.  Also, most people who own Smart Cars must not live in places where you need snow tires, because he had to special order them, which also cost extra.

At least he saves money on gas, but I frequently envy Smart Car owners assuming that their car costs must be lower than mine--perhaps not so.

Similarly, when I started my job, work gave me an iPad.  The boss wants us to comfortable with them, so everyone is given one when they start.  It's a nice little bonus, and I really appreciate it since I would never have bought one myself.  I took mine, brought it home, and used it to play a lot of games on or to watch tv on while I was falling asleep.  I never brought it back to work because my purse was too small to hold it.  Turns out that work kind of doesn't like it when they give you an iPad and you never actually have it when you need it.

So I had to buy a new bag.

Sure, you're thinking well, you didn't have to, you can just carry the thing (lazy dumbass).  But I honestly was so worried that I'd either drop it, set it down and forget about it, or have it stolen that I just never took it anywhere.  Whenever I had it with me, I was just so on edge all the time.  Also, there were plenty of times I intended to bring it to work and I just forgot to grab it on my way out the door.  There was also the time I was juggling purse, iPad, recycling, lunch box and lunchtime reading material when I almost threw the iPad in the outside recycle bin.  First world problems, for sure, but it became a bit of a real problem.

Because I'm super picky about bags, it took me months to find one that I would actually like to carry with or without iPad, and it took me even longer after finding one to actually pull the trigger and make the purchase.  I am glad I have it, and I now bring the iPad to work every day, which is pretty handy, but it's also rather annoying that I had to spend $40 on a new purse when my old one works fine (though it's kind of falling apart).  However, I am ultimately pleased with my decision--more than I thought I would be.

Have you encountered some hidden unexpected extras with purchases?

Cheapskatery in Extreme--The Do Nots

As I said in my previous post, there are a lot of gems of information in Extreme Cheapskates, but there are also a lot of rather insane things that these people do that just make it not worth it to save a few dollars.  Most of the most extreme people were incredibly obsessed with saving money on electricity and water.  This makes sense, obviously, and anecdotally, I realized that if I keep my laptop unplugged overnight (just my laptop), I save about $10/month on my electric bill--and it's better for the laptop's battery.  However, I do not unplug EVERYTHING in my house the second I stop using it, I occasionally leave lights on in a room that I'm not in and I have some non-CFL lightbulbs.

This all comes back to the whole frugal vs. cheap debate, in particular the question of how much work you have to do to save $.50.  in the case of one woman on the show, she showers at the gym.  She says that she would be there anyway, and like saving money on her home water bill by doing it that way.  This makes sense.  Then she shows her pee jar and says that the only time she flushes her home toilet is when she's moved her bowels.  The rest of the time, she pees in a jar and adds it to her compost pile.

Showering at the gym = worth it
Peeing in jars = not worth it

The number one rule of frugality (or cheapskatery), as far as I see it is: Don't be a dick.

• Don't fill up on samples and never buy anything.
• Don't refill your ketchup bottles from ketchup packets that you've gotten from restaurants where you haven't purchased anything.
• Don't serve houseguests food you found in the trash.
• Don't exploit other people just so you can avoid spending money.

Once thing that was more interesting to me than watching people reuse paper towels and dental floss, was learning how some of these people started down the road to extreme cheapskatery.  One woman on the show was married at 19 and divorced at 22 with a baby and no money.  Another woman was a victim of the dot com bubble bursting.  She doesn't say how long she was unemployed, but I'm still reeling from about six weeks of unemployment a couple years ago, so I kind of see where she's coming from.

When you've been vulnerable like that, you will do anything to not feel that way again.  It probably seems like you can never have enough money, and it's very easy to just embrace bizarre behaviors to save a few cents.  Plus, I admit, I really hate buying toilet paper too (but I still do it).  Watching this show and reading this article on Cracked.com: 7 Things No One Tells you About Being Homeless, really made me realize--or re-realize, I guess, how important it is to plan ahead and have emergency savings.  You don't have to be an extreme cheapskate to save money, you just need to be aware of your spending and be able to control it.  Everyone has fixed expenses, but everyone also had discretionary expenses too.

For me:
Eating most of my meals at home and packing my lunch for work (and taking home leftovers when the option is presented to me even if I get some odd looks) = worth it
Dumpster diving for food = not worth it

Cheapskatery in Extreme

I am loving the fact that all these trashy reality shows from TLC are now streaming on Netflix.  So, I may be a bit late to the party on this one, but I watched Extreme Cheapskates for the first time this weekend and found it... interesting.  When BF and I found it in the Netflix suggestions, he was immediately terrified and made me promise that I wouldn't just do everything that they do on the show.  I promised, and I really mean it.  This show is obviously the most extreme people out there, so they things they do to save a buck are often a bit obsessive and strange, but there are also some good takeaways that anyone could do without being seen as crazy.

Waste Less
This is rule number one for frugality.  Use less of the stuff you have and it will last longer.  Do you need to use quite so much shampoo?  Do you need a whole paper towel, or would a half one or a rag get the job done?  This is obviously something that can go incredibly awry as evidenced by the people who have stopped using toilet paper, or the woman who pees in a bottle to avoid flushes (just let it mellow, lady), but it's also a good thing to just keep in the back of your mind.  I used to have a big problem with using way too much toothpaste.  Apparently I took all the commercials I had seen as a youth to heart, and assumed that you needed to fill the whole brush.  This left me buying toothpaste all the time, and with a sink full of toothpaste globules that were sticky and gross.  Now I use significantly less, buy less toothpaste and I have a cleaner sink.  Toothpaste is pretty cheap, sure, but if someone offered to give you $5 a year, you'd take it right?

Ask for a Discount
This is something I'm terrible at, but I try to get better at.  Frequently when you ask for a discount, you actually get one.  Either way, you don't really lose anything by asking, and you might save a little money.  Similarly, if you can, try to get something for free.  If you need something, ask on Freecycle.  If no one responds, move on to plan B, but you never know what people are looking to get rid of.  Remember my beautiful bike:

Completely free!  I just had to pay to pimp it out, which was not that expensive, and I asked for the tune-up for xmas, so that part didn't cost me anything.

Don't be Beholden to Expiration Dates
Many of the people on this show go dumpster diving, which is something I would probably never do, but the reason that people can manage to find decent food that way is because people throw away perfectly good food all the time.  Grocery stores throw out perfectly good packaged food just because the use by date has passed and so do people just because they get paranoid about eating something that's 'expired'.  I have a tub of yogurt that expired in early October, but I didn't open it until mid October.  It's perfectly good.  I pay attention to smells and sights, and I've never gotten sick.

Learn How to Cook
Learn how to cook, and learn how to cook with cheap ingredients.  Peasant food is becoming sexy again, and honestly, there are a lot of ingredients out there that I never cooked with because they just sounded unappealing.  After actually trying some of this stuff, however, I found that I liked it, or could figure out a way to like it.  I don't advocate making yourself miserable by eating super cheap food that you don't like, but with a little creativity, you can absolutely cook on the cheap.

Stop Thinking Things Need to be Perfect
One thing I really liked on this show was the fact that one of the women admitted very readily that her house was pretty ugly.  She got a good deal on it, it has a lot of positives, but it's not the nicest house in the world.  It still keeps her warm and dry, and she owns it free and clear.  I'd rather have a slightly ugly house than a ridiculous mortgage payment that I couldn't afford.  As long as your place is clean, functional and not falling apart, that's all you really need.

This show has also taught me some things not to do.  Obviously, it's extreme and some of the people profiled seem a bit mentally ill.  You can go crazy with frugality, and that's no better a place to be than being extreme with spending.  But that's another post.

Picky Stuff

For some reason, I have little items that I buy that I really either pay attention to the price of, or skimp on as much as I can.  These are typically the kind of lame items that you need but don't want, and are not very fun to buy.  One of the first things I thought about when I realized that I would be living alone for the first time in four years and could really let my crazy run free was all those little things that I hate to pay for that I can potentially skimp even more on.

Items I hate to buy:
Toilet Paper--
I'm guessing no one really likes to buy this, but for some reason, I hate it the most.  When I was in college, living in the dorm, I used to sneak a wrapped roll of tp out of the bathroom every day and secret it away in a cupboard.  By the end of the year, I had more than a year's worth of toilet paper stashed away, which I brought to my new apartment.  Yeah, it was 1-ply and poor quality, but who cares, it was free.  BF hates that I buy the cheapest toilet paper (it's actually the 2nd cheapest, but he insists that that doesn't make it good), but now it's my house, my tp!  I also sneak the ends of rolls from work and feel no (little) shame at this.

Pan Spray--
I love pan spray.  Who doesn't want to be able to put something in a pan and not have it stick without using a ton of oil? But I hate to buy it. Whenever I run out, I think that maybe I don't need it, but then I miss it within days and often make a special trip to the store.  I do buy the store brand, which costs less, but I always get really cranky when I have to buy this.

Items I have a price threshold on:
Canned Tuna--
I will not pay more than $1 for a can of solid white tuna.  I'm not picky about brands, but it has to be the solid white kind.  Unfortunately, it doesn't go on sale that often, but when it does, you can bet I'm there like a crazy person stocking up.

English Muffins--
Every now and then, English Muffins will go on sale at my grocery store Buy One Get Two Free.  Because I know that this sale happens semi-regularly, it seems appalling to me to pay regular price or even half price.  Thankfully, I have the deep freeze, so I can really stock up.

Canned Tomatoes--
These have to be on sale 10 for $10 before I would buy them.  Also, I often hesitate if I don't also have a coupon.

Yogurt--
I buy a lot of yogurt, so it pains me to pick it up for regular price.  Usually though I have a coupon, or if nothing else, the store brand is decent and cheaper, so I go for that.


Anybody else have certain items that you're a little crazy about?

It's Not That I Can't, It's That I Don't Want To

Doesn't this look lovely!?!

This is something that I noticed the other day, not a new thing, but just something that caught my attention.  I was locking up my bike at work, and the custodian, who was taking out the trash did a double take before he waved at me.

Once I got inside, he asked, "You can't afford gas?"

"It's not that I can't afford it," I told him, "It's that I can better afford the calories and don't want to pay for gas."

Likewise, I kind of got into it with a library patron one day when he asked for help downloading a book to his smartphone.  I referred him to my older co-worker for help, because she actually has a smart phone and downloads books all the time (in return, I field the patron questions about eReaders--it's a nice balance).  This patron looked at me and asked, skeptically, "You don't have a smart phone?"

"I can't afford one." I told him. This has been my go-to explanation for years, and I've never had issue with it before.

"But they're only like $50 a month!" he told me, "You'd pay that much for a regular, non-smart phone."

I didn't want to debate with him about the cost of the actual phone, data plan, etc., but it really got me wondering: why do people find the need to try to spend your money for you?  I'm sure he was just trying to be helpful, and I'm sure if I hunted around I could find a decent deal on a smart phone, but I genuinely do not want one.  I should have just said that instead.

I'm sure I'm guilty of this as well.  I worked with a few cellphone holdouts back in the early 2000s, and even though I can't remember specifically, I'm sure I said to at least one of them "you should get a cell phone."  Is this a distinctly American trait, or does this happen everywhere?

In the small town where I grew up, almost any time you saw someone out walking, you offered him or her a ride.  I remember one night, a friend of mine just wanted to go for a walk, and she got stopped several times by people offering her rides and who seemed confused when she said "I just want to go for a walk."

It's kind of a Catch-22 because people do these things to be nice (kind of), but it's also a bit condescending.  I guess it's similar to people telling you that you have to watch a certain movie, or you must like the Beatles  Am I overthinking things?  Has anyone else encountered this?

Ugh, Spring

It is beautiful here.  The trees are blooming, the flowers are creeping out of the ground, and my seasonal allergies have returned.  My throat is itchy, my eyes are watering and I can barely breathe.  There is really nothing more unfair than the fact that as soon as outside becomes lovely again, I lose the ability to breathe.

Sorry for the wires, taken out of my kitchen window

For those who are in the same or similar boat, I have some strategies for how to still enjoy nature while saving money i.e. drugs.

I like Claritan, I've found that it works well for my allergies, but I do not like how much Claritan costs. In fact, every time I see an ad on tv for Claritan, I just picture the price going up and up.  Thankfully, Claritan has been around long enough that there's a generic equivalent, but since generics don't advertise, people may not know about it.  I'm here to tell you: You don't have to go broke paying for allergy pills!

On Amazon, you can get a box of 45 Claritan for $19.99.  That's a markdown from $46.29, which is over $1 a pill!  Good God!

Compare that to my best friend: Loratadine.

It's not fancy, that's for sure, but for $18.65, you can get 400 tablets.  Yes, that's 400 with two zeroes.  Double bonus, these pills are much smaller, and work exactly the same.  Over the summer, I don't wait until I have allergy symptoms, I just take a pill daily, because I can afford to.  When I was taking Claritan, I was rationing those things like you wouldn't believe, and I was pretty miserable because of it.

But what if Claritan is not your histamine blocker of choice, you like Zyrtec instead (why do they all have such stupid names?). 

You can get 70 Zyrtec for $31.08 on Amazon, or you can get Cetrizine HCL for $16.99 for 365 tablets.  It has the same active ingredient, and when you do a search in Amazon for Zyrtec, this one pops up as well.

I'm not trying to be a shill for Amazon, but that's where I usually get drugs like this.  You can find them in stores, but not always and not all stores, so I just go straight for the online.  Thankfully, the only real allergies I have are seasonal pollen-type allergies, but if anyone else has a good generic they like, let me know in the comments.

**Disclaimer, I'm obviously not a doctor, I'm a librarian, don't do anything rash or against your doctor's wishes just because I said so.

How Low Dare I Go?

I am in a coupon desert.

I used to get my coupons from the inserts that we'd pull out of the Sunday papers at work, but at new job, I don't know if someone has already called dibs, so I haven't asked yet.  What I have done, is noticed that in front of this building with a menorah on the roof that's on my walk to work (I obviously work in the Jewish part of town), there are scads of coupons scattered on the sidewalk every Monday.  Aside from being a bit dusty, these coupons are perfectly good, and I could just scoop them up and stuff them in my bag and no one would know, right?

But that's how crazy people behave.

Ummm, no.

It's weird because I don't even really use coupons that much, but having a few for the few items I use them on, is like a security blanket.  I've been not allowing myself to buy yogurt because I didn't have a coupon, but I really like yogurt! It's handy to bring to work, and good for me.  So why all the self-flagellation?

I think I'm equating my lack of coupons with our spending way too much on groceries lately, but we'd still be spending too much even if I did save us $10 per trip.  I'm blaming myself for not caring enough, when the actual circumstance may be that I just don't care that much.

I'm trying not to have the salary overconfidence that might dupe me into thinking that now that I work 'full-time' I have money enough to fritter away on lavish grocery purchases, but I just can't bring myself to get all worked up about it at this point.  Yes, January was an extravagant month, and yes, I need to get back on track for February, but hunting down sales and picking up coupons off of the sidewalk, that's stepping a toe in cheap territory--even though the sight of those unused coupons tugs at me.

To sum up:

1. The dirty coupons are staying on the ground, even though I want them.
2. I need to buy some lentils and dried beans because those are tastey, hearty and cheap, then I won't feel so extravagant for my yogurt purchases.
3. I'm meant to be enjoying my wonderful new life, not berating myself for splashing out a bit!  I'm settling in, it's an adjustment period, and I'm worth it.

I got a great deal on hair dye today--2 for 1 plus reduced price.

Why I'm Happy With The Cost of My Bike

I bought my bike used, and because I'm not much of a haggler and know nothing about bikes, I just paid the asking price.  I had been shopping around for new bikes, and had settled on one that cost around $200, so when I found the used one for $100, it seemed like a no-brainer.  I then realized that one of the brakes doesn't really work, and I would have to bring it in to get repaired.

I ripped the band-aid off, and brought my bike to the hipster bike place around the corner, and they couldn't have been more lovely.  Here's the main reason I was dreading bringing my bike in there, aside from finding hipsters who love bikes to be often annoying.  I had a friend (more bf's friend) who brought his bike into this place years ago to get something fixed on it.  This was back when it was under different ownership, and they told him that his bike wasn't worth fixing, and that he should just buy a new one.  Nice business strategy, guys, no wonder they went out of business.

This new owner (or employee of the new owner) was perfectly delightful.  Professional, considerate, asked questions.   He asked me how much I paid for the bike and then said "I'm not trying to be nosy, I just want to get a sense of how much money you'll want to put into it."  I'm getting some new brake pads, a new... other thing, round thing that I don't know the name of but it is very important, and possibly something else.  The cost of those parts plus labor brings the grand total to $80, which brings the grand total of the bike to nearly retail price.  However, I am still thrilled with my new bike--even the cost--and let me tell you why.

• The $100 I spent on the bike partially funded a young girl's dream of moving to Oregon.  Certainly I'll never see this girl again, but I support new adventures and she was quite nice--good luck, you!
• The repair money is going to a local business and not to the Schwinn company (who I'm sure are nice guys), or to Target (who I love--we're both from Minnesota, after all) but Target gets plenty of my money over the course of a year.  They'll survive as will Schwinn.
• I'm recycling.  With a few tweaks, this bike will be good as new, and will last me many years (with proper maintenance and care).

I was already pretty stoked about my bike, and now that I have the chance to actually ride it soon, I'm even more excited (and scared because now I have to re-learn how to ride a bike).

It's interesting because when thinking about frugality and saving money, we often (myself included) just think about not spending any money at all.  Certainly that's a big part of it, but I also feel really, really good about my new bike--better than I'd feel if I have just gone to Target and gotten the one I was thinking about.  So it is about saving and not spending, but it's also about spending well, and that feels pretty good.  After all, "happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have", at least I think so.

I Want to Join a Gym

...even though I know that joining a gym in January is a total cliche, and will likely make me very angry when I have to wait 30 minutes for a treadmill.  Here's why I want to join a gym:

1. It's freaking cold out and I am a wuss.  I have a treadmill in the basement, but it's a crappy treadmill and the belt is breaking.  When I go running outside in the really, really cold, I tend to get sick and my legs freeze, which makes me avoid going out at all.
2. I would like to do exercises other than run.  I want to take some classes, maybe do some yoga (I think yoga is incredibly boring, but it might be good for me).  I keep seeing pictures of people with tight abs advertising that zumba nonsense, maybe that's for me.
3. I want to run a marathon.  In order to run a marathon, I need to keep logging miles (see #1) and also do exercises with weights and stuff, or so running magazines tell me.

I was incredibly excited to find out that the health plan for new job includes a $150 credit if you go to a gym for more than three months in a row and fill out a form; and that you get a 20% discount on selected gyms.  I was then dismayed to find out that the only place locally where I would get that 20% discount is the super-fancy gym that's not within walking distance.  I secret-shopped super fancy gym last year, and it is NICE, but even though I can't remember exactly how much it cost per month, I remember that it was expensive.  

So I did what I always do in this situation, I looked at how much the YMCA costs, and then remembered that the YMCA is damn expensive.  It's $49/month plus a $49 start-up fee!  That is so much money!  I used to be a member at the Jewish Community Center (cause I had a coupon), but that place is even more expensive than the Y and you have to pay for a whole year up front.  Sigh.

BF keeps insisting that I can sneak into one of the Brown University gyms, but that makes me really uncomfortable (cause stealing makes me uncomfortable), and I'd also be working out next to annoying college girls who probably put on make up and don't sweat.  Hell no.

I also have the option, since I still technically work at academic library, to use the gym there.  But that's a 25 minute drive, would also make me feel a little like I was stealing, and I'd be working out next to super fit 19-year-olds (see above).

Then there's Planet Fitness, which is $10/month, but doesn't offer any classes.  It's also on the other side of town and a friend who goes there told me that she once found gum stuck to the track of a treadmill.  I'm not a snob (well, kind of), but that just doesn't do it for me.

*SOAPBOX* It's kind of interesting that we vilify people for being overweight, but then make it so expensive to join a fitness facility and limit the amount of public green space and sidewalks in cities.  Yes, there are plenty of things you can do without joining a gym (if you're lucky enough to life in a safe neighborhood with sidewalks, which many aren't), but then you're hamstrung by weather and other factors (like the fact that no one in RI shovels their sidewalks.  Seriously, last year several people died because they were forced to walk in the street and got hit by cars--kids and adults).  Sure the gym has to pay for the equipment, staff, etc., but man, $49/month is $600 a year!  That's walking around money.  That's one month's rent! *END SOAPBOX*

So what to do?  Is there a secret option #4 that I'm not thinking of?  Should I just suck it up and be grateful we've had a mild winter so far?  My dad runs outside year round and he lives in Minnesota, so I know that it is possible, but I'm also kind of a wuss... see above...

Addicted to Esty

Why does it seem like these things always come in waves?  A friend of mine, posted on facebook that she and her mother were going to start selling headscarves on Etsy.  I checked out her page, and it turns out her stuff is AWESOME, so I totally bought one, then another one.

Then, my beautiful and stylish friend Melissa posted a picture of herself wearing the most fabulous Steampunk Houndstooth scarf I've ever seen.

Gorgeous!

So yeah.  The Etsy shop where she got this: Flutter, was having a 70% off sale and I'm not made of stone!  So I bought two (I told you, I always buy two of things), but they're totally cheap and unique, and, as Melissa pointed out--Made in the USA!  In fact, when I ordered my headscarf from my friend Rayna, she even sent me a personal message on facebook.  I mention all this because it reminds me a bit of when I was in San Diego at the zoo.

The San Diego Zoo is world famous (they put that on all the signs, so it must be true), and it is wildly overpriced.  It was $40 to get in.  That's $40 for everyone--very young, very old, students, doesn't matter.  That $40 gets you a whole day's worth of animal viewing including pandas that were actually awake, and the chance to have a chat with knowledgeable zoo keepers (I asked if the pandas actually have sex, or if they have to artificially inseminate them, which seems like a weird question until you learn that the pandas at San Diego Zoo are the ONLY pandas in zoos anywhere in the world who actually have sex with each other.  Pandas are so weird--adorable, but weird).  Plus, on everything in the zoo that was for sale, they included the line "More than 85 percent of every dollar you give will go toward the San Diego Zoo's wildlife conservation efforts."  So those wildly overpriced socks that I bought will help conserve wild spaces and save endangered species!  Worth it!

I think Etsy appeals to a person's charitable side, albeit in a less overt way.  If I buy another headscarf, I'm not only getting a gorgeous, hand-made product that will make me look good, I'm supporting Rayna and her  mom instead of some greedy corporate machine like Wal-Mart or something.  It's like the new push for Small-Business Saturday, which now follows Black Friday.

The trick is, to not let this line of thinking lure me into spending more money on stuff I don't need just because buying it makes me feel good.  It's still shopping, after all.  For my xmas shopping this year, I'm going to do what I normally do, and that is start at Craftland. Craftland is a treasure trove of home-made crafty goods that are actually awesome (not like the home-made ceramics statuettes my Aunt Betty used to make and give as gifts), like this t-shirt I bought last year:

Everything is made by local artists, there's an incredible variety of stuff and it's just fun to go there.  Plus, I always secretly hope that I'll be walking around in a fabulous scarf or accessory of some kind, and someone will come up to me and say, "that scarf you're wearing, I made it, I'm glad you like it". That never happens at Old Navy.

Another Paradox of Thrift

This morning, I went to a Skinny Cow Perfect Cup event.  What this is, is a rather inexplicable promotional event where you go, get free Skinny Cow ice cream, up to two glasses of wine or lemonade, get a free bra fitting and bra and a goodie bag. Basically it sounds too good to be true.  It costs nothing, and you get free ice cream.

What I found though, was that it was absolute chaos, I had to hang around for over an hour, and you don't actually get a free bra, but rather a coupon for a free bra.  Still, it's my day off, I went with a friend and we had a lovely brunch beforehand.

Here's what baffles me though, yes, I expected it to be a little less of a wait, but it was still lots of free stuff.  It wasn't even a situation where you are kept waiting so you can be talked into buying things, it was just a "hang out, have some snacks and a drink while you listen to pop music" kind of affair.  Still, I heard nothing but complaining from the women waiting.  After an hour, I was ready to leave, and I did; other women were yelling at staff and bitching to each other about how long it was taking.  If you don't want to wait, I say just leave, why ruin someone else's day?

Why do people seem to complain more when they're given free things?  I see this at the library all the time as well--this incredible sense of entitlement.  Come to the library, and everything is free. You get four hours of free internet use per day, though if it's busy, you may have to wait; you get helpful librarians; you can check out five CDs, five DVDs, and 100 books at one time--in short, it's the best deal in town.  But that's just not good enough for so many people.

People demand more time on the computers, people expect you to have every book ever and get angry if you don't, people call with strange questions and get impatient when you actually have to look for the answer, adults complain when kids make noise, people complain that it costs $.15 to print something... I could go on and on, but the point is, it's really disheartening.

There is just so little gratitude out there, and I don't understand it.  If you're getting something for nothing, you don't have to fall all over yourself thanking people, but you don't need to complain if it's not perfect either.  If an ice cream company wants to do a little promotion and you get free things, shouldn't you be happy about it?

I'm going to go put on my free sparkly lip gloss now. Thank you, Skinny Cow.

The Awkward Side of Frugality

Warning: This blog will most likely turn into a rant, so just be ready for that.

I think we can all agree that the most awkward thing about trying to establish a frugal lifestyle is when other people have expectations for how you should spend your money, or when you have to turn down social invitations.

Scenario one: Friend wants to try new fancy restaurant that has a 
pre fixe menu for $35/person and your monthly food budget is tapped 
because you just stocked up on barley.

Fancy restaurant is not frugal

Thirty-five dollars a head plus tip is not just a try it because you want to restaurant, it's a celebration restaurant.  Plus, I think about how many meals I can make at home that cost waaaay less than $35.  I'm all for being fancy, but if you're not totally switched on by the thought of this restaurant, or you're a vegetarian like me and know that spending $35 on what will likely be bread soup and salad (of course it will be gourmet soup), it's just not worth it.

In the past, to get out of a situation like this, I would have foot-dragged and blamed my work schedule.  I would have stalled my friend to the point where I could safely say, "You know, my schedule is so hectic these days, why don't you just take x instead."  That kind of behavior would have no doubt cause my friend to be frustrated with me, and spend the fancy dinner complaining about how non-committal I am, while I would have been at home eating a sandwich fuming about how my fancy dinner having friends just don't understand my financial circumstances!

So yeah, it's a way out of something, but in the end, probably not worth the tension.

These days, if it was a casual friend, I would say I have other plans (even if I don't--hey, it's just a casual friend!).  If it's a good friend, I would say something like, "I know you really want to try this restaurant, but I'm not that into it.  Since I'm a vegetarian, it's ludicrous to spend that much on one meal, and I'm really cutting costs right now.  Why don't you bring someone else who really wants to go, and you and I can grab a delicious cupcake afterward."

Mentioning cupcakes is always a smart move.

Scenario two: Co-worker is selling candy bars/ Girl Scout cookies/ 
boy scout popcorn/ any other children's fundraiser you can think of and he or 
she expects that everyone in the office will buy something.

Girl Scout Cookies--delicious, but deadly to the budget

I hate this one even more than dealing with friends because you have to see these co-workers ever day and some people think because their raising money for their kids you refusing to buy something means that you hate their children and would throw garbage at them given the chance.  My thoughts are, if you have a co-worker who equates refusing cookies with pure loathing, let him or her think that.  Just say, "I'm sorry, but I can't afford it." After a while, word will get around that you're pinching pennies, and you may not have to say no as much.

I'm not in love with my poor as a church mouse reputation at work, but it certainly saves me money.

Scenario three: I get a deal if we all spend

Very relaxing, until your credit card bill comes

This scenario is how I ended up in Mexico for Spring Break.  Sigh.  The vacation package i.e. if I can recruit six more people to share this bungalow, we can all save $50!  I love a vacation, I sure do, but this is not the way to go.  Even if the savings are significant, do you really want to go to the Turks and Caicos with a handful of friendly acquaintances?  Doesn't your dream vacation lie elsewhere?

Plus, there's the notion of vacationing with a large group of people, which is necessary to get these deals, and the high price tag. Your friend who is looking for vacation buddies may have to cast the net a bit wider and invite that really annoying guy just because he has the cash.  Then you're vacationing with Annoying Guy, and you can't back out because you were first to commit. 

It's not worth it.  I vacationed in large groups even with some of my closest friends, and it's always caused problems.  It's just not fun to try to organize that many people, and there will inevitably be a clash of personalities at some point--probably one before drinking, and one after drinking.  A friend who was recently invited on a stunning Greek vacation remarked to me, "If we had $8000 lying around, we would finish the basement." Save your pennies for the vacation you really want instead of going for the deal.

Scenario four: The bachelorette weekend.

Umm, no

Remember when a bachelorette party was just that: a party?  A one-night fete where women drank a little too much, ate a lot, and celebrated a friend's approaching nuptials in a slightly more bawdy way.  Now it seems that if a bachelorette party is only a one-night affair, it has to include about twelve activities and a limo.  More likely, you will be invited to the bachelorette weekend, which will include transport to an exotic locale, lodging and all the expenses that come with "doing it up right." and "making it special" Of course the bride doesn't have to pay for anything, so you'll help cover that as well.

To be frank, this is bullshit.  I don't know when a simple night out morphed into so much extravagance, but I'm totally over it.  Even in the movie Bridesmaids, they all flew to Las Vegas for the weekend.  Come on!  I love a night out with my girlfriends, but if I was getting married, I would not need a limo, spa treatment, mani/pedi, pole-dancing class, fancy dinner, drinks.  I don't blame the brides, I blame the bridesmaids who put together such an elaborate scenario.  It this bridesmaidzilla behavior?  Is that what's happening here?  I want to celebrate my friend's happiness, why do I have to pay for pole dancing class to make that happen?

In this situation, I just say no.  I really don't think it's unreasonable to tell a person, "I'd love to come, but I can't afford an entire weekend in the Poconos, I'll make it to dinner before the rest of you leave."  The problem too, is that since this extravagance is often organized by someone else, it may not be what the bride actually wants, and she ends up feeling bad when no one can afford to come.  If you're really close with the bride and the girl who is planning it, just be upfront about what you can afford; if it's more of a friendly acquaintance situation, just make sure that the bride doesn't feel spurned.  Be honest with her while her friend runs amok.

Does that make me a Sucker, or a Helper?

I've been reading the New York Times for years.  I started with the paper version (read at work (bookstore) and then gently re-folded for sale), moved to the email version and most recently am loving the google reader version.  When they stated that they were going to start charging for access after 20 articles per month, I panicked a bit, and then started reading The Guardian as a form of protest.  As much as I do like The Guardian, it's just not the same, and I've been trying to find ways to sneak extra Times articles.

As I was blocked from looking at an article the other day, and I schemed to try to figure out how to get around it, (which really isn't that hard) I realized that I was basically wandering into that "cheap" territory that I despise so much.  I love The New York Times, and I don't want them to go under, so I should probably give them some cash. After all, I can cancel at any time.

But then, there's the other side of the argument.  Yes, the newspaper industry is in trouble, but is my $15 a month really going to make that much of a difference?  Is my $15 even going to support the newspaper, or is it just going to go to a greedy shareholder?  Does saying things like greedy shareholder make me sound totally paranoid?

It's tricky because I like to spend my money well and on things that make me truly happy, and not be a tightwad, but I also don't want to spend $195/year reading articles I can get for free with a little side-stepping.  Maybe I just need to suck it up, read my 20 articles, and stick with The Guardian for the rest though I feel like that's bound to effect my spelling at some point...

Frugal vs. Cheap

Another frugality blogger asked her readers for their opinion as to whether or not her behavior was cheap. She had gotten a coupon for a free item from a fast food place, and went there to get only that item and nothing else. She said that the employees of the restaurant were rather rude to her, and the other people in line sneered a bit. "Did I take it too far and veer into cheap territory?" she asked. All of the commentors were pretty unanimous, the restuarant gave out the coupon and didn't require you to buy anything else to get the deal--not cheap behavior

Later in that same post she mentioned that she and her husband brought in their own cream cheese when they ate in at Panera Bread. That was when I had to chime in on the discussion.

To me, and I think many agree with me, doing something like bringing in your own cream cheese to sit and eat in a restaurant is appalling behavior. If saving $1 is that much concern, get the bagels to go, but don't dirty a table, use the restaurant's silverware and most likely their bathroom if what you're doing is really eating food you brought from home. It's that kind of behavior that gives frugal people a bad name and that nets us those dirty looks if we use a coupon for just the free item without purchasing anything else.

To me, cheapness is mean, penny pinching behavior where you're saving money just for the sake of saving money and watching the pile grow. It's Ebeneezer Scrooge and Silas Marner behavior vs. Ben Franklin (though he could be cheap at times too). Who watches A Christmas Carol and thinks that Scrooge has some good ideas! Probably no one who reads this blog, because that person most likely doesn't want to pay for internet.

I read an article in the New York Times that more clearly breaks down the difference between frugality and stealing. It seems a bit shocking to call it stealing, but that's kind of what it is in some cases. For example, when you're staying in a hotel, they expect you to take the soap and shampoos--it's built into the cost of the room. What's not built into the cost of the room is when you loot the housekeeping cart as you dash out of there, or if you take the lightbulbs and ice bucket. That's cheap behavior, I think everyone can agree on that.

Likewise people who go to expensive restaurants and save money by tipping poorly. If the service is bad, that's one thing, but when you go in there thinking you'll drop 10% or less no matter what just to save money, that's just not right. I hate the fact that Americans are expected to tip so much too; I hate the fact that servers are paid so poorly that they rely on tips to make a living, but I don't eat out very often at sit-down restaurants because I know that the meal is going to cost more than what's printed on the menu.

What I really like about the article is that it invokes a rule that's easy to remember and repeat if you're ever in one of those situations where you're not quite sure if you're crossing a line: "when you wouldn’t feel comfortable asking a person in charge if what you’re doing is all right" you may be veering into cheap territory.

I step a toe into cheap territory on occasion, I admit it. I frequently bring my own water when I go to the movies. This is because I don't often want to drink soda, and the bottled water they sell at the theatre closest to me is $3.75 for 20 ounces. That's ridiculous, but maybe they have to charge that much because of people like me. So I break my own rule because I see the sign that says "No outside food or drink" every time they rip my ticket, and I'm certainly not going to fess up. I could bring in an empty bottle and fill it at the fountain, which is what I used to do, but then I can only really get it half full since water fountains usually have poor water pressure and a shallow depression.

Maybe that's a grey area, or maybe I'm a total hypocrite. I'm not sure. What are your thoughts on this?

Getting a bit too caught up

I'm reading a great new book called In Cheap we Trust by Lauren Weber. It's an examination of Americans' love/hate on-again/ off-again relationship with thrift, and the differences between cheap behavior and thrifty behavior. It's incredibly interesting, and I'll be writing a proper review once I'm finished, but there is one idea that is just lodged in my mind that I can't stop thinking about.

A bit of context: The author talks briefly about her upbringing in the introduction, explaining how her father was a man who liked to make his pennies stretch as far as he could. He would keep the house so cold that you could see your breath and wash the dishes in cold water (which she notes was not very effective). He was also a man who was generous when it counted, and sent each of his kids to the college of their choice to study what they wanted to study with no cost to the kids at all. He paid for everything.

As was reading this, I was thinking--yes! that's exactly the kind of thrift I aim to employ in my life (except I will always wash my dishes in hot water). I never want to be cheap. To me, cheap is mean, penny-pinching behavior; cheap is saving for the sake of saving and just admiring your pile of money; thrifty is not buying more than you need, knowing the difference, and having the ability to spend your money on things that are important.

Then the author mentioned the tea bags.

Apparently, as a further cost-cutting measure, her father would re-use his teabags up to twelve times. He would dunk once, "just enough to color the water" then clip the bag on a makeshift clothesline to dry. This is appalling to me, and I have to wonder, why drink tea at all? Why not just drink hot water?

I like a strong cup of tea. I've been known to use two tea bags sometimes, so this kind of behavior steps foot squarely into cheap territory and infringes on your quality of life. Unless your tea is made of the rarest flower that can only be harvested by blind nuns in Tibet, there is no reason to live like this.

Out of curiosity, I decided to examine my own tea consumption and the possibility of saving money. My preferred brand is PG Tips, which I can usually get at The Ocean State Job Lot (weird, discount remaindered store) for $3.45 for 40 teabags-- about $.09 per bag. Not great, but not bad either. My local grocery store sells that brand for $8.99 for 80 teabags--$.11 per bag, so I'm already seeking out a bargain.
But wait, I can also get Tetley tea for sometimes as low as $2.65 for an 80 count box--a mere $.03 per teabag. Tetley's is nice and strong, but I don't like the flavor as much. However, it is $.06 cheaper per bag to go with the Tetley's.

Considering I drink at least one cup of tea per day in the summer, and at least two cups per day in the winter, that could be significant savings. If we average that I drink 650 cups of tea per year, that's $58.50 spent on PG and $19.50 on Tetley's--pretty significant difference, but do I really want to live my life drinking sub-par tea just to save $39? Then again, it is $39, that's walking-around money.

This is possibly the lamest blog I've ever written, but it's a good illustration of how significant savings can be just from switching brands! It has merit! Even though I've devolved into strange nickle-and-diming territory. I've just done a big tea buy, so I'll drink that up, but I have a box of Tetley's waiting in the wings--perhaps I'll grow to appreciate it?