Let Me Embrace My Flaws As Well As My Strengths

In my mind, the whole point of this blog is coming clean--to myself and my internet friends.  Know thyself, etc.  This is something that is key when it comes to managing your money.  You can't hide bills and pretend they don't exist; you can't ignore debt any more than you can ignore income.  You have to know what's going on, even when what's going on sucks (looking at my plans for November...).

I feel that this is important in all parts of life--not just finance.  You should know who you are, what you like, what your priorities are and what you look like.  This is where Stacey and Clinton come into this post (I miss them so much!).  I have watched What Not to Wear since it premiered in the US.  Prior to that, I watched the UK version.  I love both shows and what I love best about them is that the first thing they do with any participant on the show is try to get them to actually see themselves.  They try to show them who they are, what they actually look like rather than how they see themselves.  If you're going to get clothes that fit and that enhance your figure triumphs while hiding your figure flaws, you have to know what both of those are.  In my mind, that's perfectly tied in with personal finance because you need to both look good and feel confident to do your job well and to find merit in yourself.  It's not the whole package, but it's a big part of it.

This is why I get very annoyed with people who try to take that away from me.

No one can dispute the amount of money I owe the federal government--it's on paper, black and white. But plenty of people think they can dispute what I look like.  As women, we're trained from a very early age to focus on our flaws.

And that's a huge problem.  Of course the flip side of the problem is when people overcompensate by being overly complimentary.  It's just as bad when other people don't allow you to be honest.

If I'm being honest about myself physically, I would say that I have a very long torso, long arms, a reasonably flat stomach, slightly crooked shoulders, very thick thighs and no ass at all.  My thighs are like tree trunks and they pack on muscle quickly and easily.  One time, in grad school, I went to the gym, worked out on the stair climber for an hour, showered and tried to put on the same clothes I had arrived in only to find that my jeans were now too small.  Because of this, I tend to wear more skirts and dresses because it's really hard to buy pants that fit both in the waist and the thighs.  I cannot wear skinny jeans or pencil skirts without looking stupid and/or being incredibly uncomfortable.

I know this about my body.  I'm not asking people to tell me I don't have large thighs because I do.  It's a fact, like my debt to income ratio.  I also like plenty of things about myself--physical and otherwise, but I'm not going to get into how great I am right now.

And yet, I posted something a while back on facebook about briefly forgetting that I do not look good in pencil skirts, and I got hammered by a friend of mine for acting like I had low self-esteem.  Friends occasionally suggest I try on skinny jeans and then disregard me when I say that I can't wear them.  "Don't say that!" or "Sure you can!" Would you say that to Beyonce'?

Beyonce' has thick thighs--FACT

It took me a long time to stop hating the way my body is put together.  I've let a lot of people other the years give me opinions that were just wrong or that did me no favors. Ultimately, I realized that while I may not love everything about the way my body looks, I love what it can do.  I've run 15 half marathons; I have tremendous stamina; I have no major health problems; I have no major disfigurements and I am perfectly happy wearing boot cut jeans and adorable dresses & skirts.

Likewise, don't ask me to hide my head in the sand about my financial situation.  It sucks, but it could be and has been worse.  Don't tell me to wear skinny jeans because everyone else is, I'd rather look good in my clothes than try to be trendy.  Don't tell me that I can afford a European vacation if I've looked at my budget and told you that I can't.

Please, let's let others be honest about who they are and be more honest ourselves.

Budget Beauty: Home Highlights

Note: I am not a hairstylist, I am a librarian, please consider that before taking my advice. That said, I've been dyeing my own hair since 7th grade, and dyeing my friends' hair since high school. I've learned some stuff.

If you are interested in the highlights that basically look like hair stripes ------------> I'm not interested in helping you. That's something that can be accomplished quite handily using those home highlighting kits they sell for $9.99 (though it's never a good look).

If what you want is natural looking layers of color on your head i.e. something that you might get from the sun, I can help you fake that with a box and a bit of bravery.

Supplies:

• 1 box hair dye purchased with a coupon
• 1 old but not gross toothbrush
• 1 hairclip
• a comb or chopstick--use a chopstick if you have a nice comb you don't want stained
• 1 small bowl or plate that you don't mind staining
• a hand mirror, or maybe a friend to help you do the back (bribe her)

This is an technique that my stylist taught me back when I was under my parents' roof and they paid for things like professional highlights. The idea here is not a sharp contrast in color, but subtle changes that can make your hair just look prettier and less flat.

Start with a color that is not terribly different from your current color, possibly slightly lighter or darker, maybe with a bit of red, if that's what you're going for. Don't trust the box completely, it rarely looks like that. Instead, bring along your most honest friend, and ask her which color looks most like your current color. Then take that box and compare it to others until you come up with a pleasing contrast.

Once you're home, put on your ratty hair-dyeing clothes, get your bowl and toothbrush and read the instructions in the hair dye paying particular attention to the time it takes to work. Then gather up most of your hair in your hairclip leaving a bottom section out. Mix the dye and squirt it into your dish.

Take the toothbrush, swish it through the dye, and start combing the dye through the section of hair not in the clip. Make sure to go all the way around your head (this is very important), and get it up to the roots (or you'll look silly). Saturate your hair with more hair dye if you want your hair dyed more, less if you want more of your natural color.

Once that section of hair is done, use a comb or chopstick to free another section from the hairclip and repeat combing the toothbrush through your hair, adding more dye as you go.

And so on and so on through all sections of your hair until you reach the top. Be sure not to pile a bunch of dye on the top of your head, and be sure to add some color around your face/temples. That makes it look more natural. Then sit back, and wait for the appropriate amount of time to pass. Rinse your hair, style as usual, and send me an email (findmefrugal@gmail.com) telling me how awesome you look.